HBO’s The Alzheimer’s Project: Grandpa, Do You Know Who I Am?
May 19, 2009
This weekend I watched the film on grandchildren caring for grandparents with Alzheimer’s. I was floored by the patience and persistence these kids displayed.
One theme that the film highlighted with “staying in the moment.” This is something we all did as kids (remember focusing on a ladybug crawling up a blade of grass for minutes at a time, oblivious to anything else in the world?), but we lose as we mature. Turns out we end up back there towards the end of life.
Spending time with an Alzheimer’s patient sometimes means playing cards or other games, discussing what they see out the window at that moment – and not discussing what happened this morning or what you will be doing tonight.
This also touches on the theme of “fiblets” – the notion that you cannot change the reality of an Alzheimer’s patient, so you go with their reality instead. They are in their moment – go and join them there. My favorite Alzheimer’s coach, Beverly Moore, tells this story: It is about 3 p.m., and a woman she is working with is convinced that Johnny should be coming off the school bus any minute. There is no way to convince her that she is 85 and her little boy is a 60 year-old accomplished engineer. Instead, Beverly agrees and steers her into the kitchen to make tea while they “wait for the bus.”
It is a shift in the way we are used to interacting with people, but if you can force yourself to return to your childhood habits and “stay in the moment” you can turn what could have been a frustrating experience into some joyful time spent with your loved one.
No Comments »
No comments yet.